Merry Christmas To All

Have had a great christmas with mine and Selina's family and then had Troy's birthday today. Kids are great. About six weeks ago when we thought that this could be my last christmas we vowed to make this christmas extra special, since then things have got better but every christmas will be special from now on I hope. I had a friend I havent spoke to for some time call me tonight just to wish me a happy christmas and new year, he didnt know about the cancer and when I told him he was speechless and had no idea what to say. I have no problem talking about my situation to anyone but I never really think about how it must seem to someone hearing about me for the first time. I hope no one is avoiding me for fear of not knowing what to say. a simple g'day, how you goin' is all it takes to start a conversation. I hope everyone had a great christmas and new year, all the best,    Col'

One Week On

Another week has passed since I last wrote, cant believe it goes so quick. Very tired at present, manage to ride a bit during the week but need the weekends to catch up. Also needed to take some time off work this week. Had a couple of work do's to attend which was good, once again people are fantastic and very caring and concerned about my well being. Mental health is very much up and down, can be chatting laughing with people one minute and down and withdrawn the next. Dealing with cancer has been physically easy for me, however the mental side of it is a struggle. Hopefully time will help. Kids are forcing me to try and keep upbeat, they are so looking forward to christmas and I dont want them to see me down so try and keep positive around them. Thanks all, Col'

Sunday Night Ramblings

I have got through the first week of treatment ok, took Friday off work partly due to tiredness and partly not feeling right mentally. Have had to have a few day time sleeps over the weekend, feeling very old. Did manage to see a concert in Melbourne Saturday night, strange night really, have liked this band since I was a teenager so they have become a sort of sound track of our life for me and Selina. I sat there on Saturday night looking out at the crowd of about 60,000 people and couldnt help but think that according to statistics, 40,000 people in this crowd have been affected by cancer in some way, either directly or by friend or family member diagnosed with the disease. Quite a staggering amount if you ask me, it seems as if cancer is the modern day plague. The band we saw just released a new song, which I first heard when I was in hospital, it seemed to fit perfectly with what I was going through and has become a bit of an anthem for me and I frequently listen to it when Im feeling down, a couple of lines from the chorus go like this,

                                       When Life Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow,
                                     You Gotta Hold On To What You believe,
                                    Believe That The Sun Will Shine Tommorrow,

Life has certainly thrown me a bitter pill, but I do believe that tommorrow and the following days will be better and I am lucky to have the people around me that I have.
Radio therapy continues next week and has become a regular part of my trip to work, just like buying the paper really. Because I go so early I am in and out quickly, I also avoid seeing the really old and frail patients and the chemo patients, nothing screams cancer more than seeing a young person with no hair or having their head wrapped in a bandanna. I know I'm a cancer patiant but I dont need to be reminded about it. Enough wranting for today, thanks all, Col'



One Down, 19 To Go

First treatment of radio therapy today, no big deal really, cancer centre is still a confronting place, lots of elderly people and people with bandannas on their heads. Feeling o.k at the moment, actually dont know how I feel, mood changes regularly, sometimes I actually feel normal and almost forget I have cancer than something happens and I am reminded many people dont recover from my situation and I fall into a depressed state. Had lots of  calls wishing me all the best for today, you people probably dont realise how it feels to have people thinking of you, it makes such a difference, thanks to all of you who have called, text, e-mailed since I was diagnosed. Thanks for reading,  Colin

First Week Back At Work

Returned to work this week, was good to be back but very hard to think about work and normal things. Mind is at times totally consumed thinking about treatment and the future. People at work have been great, very supportive and genuinely concerned and interested in my well being. First radiation treatment is Tuesday 7th, just want to get it all over with and forget about having cancer, although with appointments with an oncolgist at least twice a year for the rest of my life I dont think that will be possible. Tiredness is still a problem, wanted to be feeling great befor treatment started but has not happened. Riding my bike at least every second day, which is so good for me mentally, hope I can continue riding through treatment. I will keep the blog going through to new year and if treatment is going well I will wind it up. Family and friends keep commenting they are keeping up with my progress through it so will continue for a while longer. Cheers all, Colin

Next Stage

Getting ready for radiotherapy.  Went to the hospital on Tuesday for planning  had a CT, got my first tattoo (a dot) to mark where they need to aim the radiotherapy.  Met the social worker, she thinks I'm amazing for how I am coping (don't neccesarily agree, have to keep going on though).  Still a bit depressing going in and mixing with all the other cancer patients, makes it very real.

Radiotherapy starts on the 7th and goes right over Christmas and New Year every business day at 0730 I will be there.  Anyone want to meet for breaky or coffee let me know. 

Back at work, feeling a little strange, but good to be getting on with normal life. 

Raced the bike tonight, feeling good.  It's amazing how good I feel after a ride.

Been busy getting the house ready for renovations, very tiring. 

Colin

Depressing Place

Had a visit to the cancer centre at Traralgon hospital this week....although it is a bright and new building and the staff are professional and friendly I hope no one I know, be they friend or family has to go there.  The place has a feeling about it that is not pleasant, all the patiants I saw were very elderly and looked like they were just hanging onto life.
The meeting with the oncologist overseeing my treatment went well, I start on the 7th Decenber and will go every working day for twenty days, so should be done by mid January. Unlike the surgery I dont feel positive about this part of the journey, I know it will increase my chance of survival, but I am not looking forward to visiting this place every day and being surrounded by so much pain and suffering.
On a brighter note, I went out on my bike with the Traralgon bunch this morning, managed to complete the ride with the bunch which makes me feel mentally o.k. Part of me thinks that if I can do the same as non cancer sufferers then I must be o.k and not being affected by the illness.

Thanks all, Col'

A Great Weekend

Had a fantastic weekend away with my family. Lily and Troy both caught there first fish and we all got a chance to relax and forget about me having cancer for a few days. Selinas parents came with us and it was a chance for us to thank them for all they have done for us over the last few weeks. Its comforting to know we have people like Sue and Allan looking after our kids when needed, all the little things they do are much apreciated and allows us to attend appointments or hospital knowing our kids and home are being loooked after.
I have an appointment with the radio therapy oncologist on Wednesday to discuss my treatment plan. So its back on the merry go round of doctors and hospitals again.

Remission

Saw my oncologist yesterday and he is very happy with my situation. I was at stage 3B in the scheme of melanoma sufferers, survival rate of stage 4 is 3%. Survival or cure rate for my situation is 65%. At present I am classified as in full remission, that is to say the doctors believe I have know cancer cells in my body. For every year I remain cancer free my chance of survival goes up 10% and 95% of patiants who get to 5 years go on to be cancer free after10 years.
Radio therapy is being recommended more as a precaution than anything else, just in case some cancer cells are still present in the area. This will take place in Traralgon and will be every day for six weeks, the side effects are minimal and I should be able to function normally while I am having the treatment.
I am happy with where I am at the moment, especially considering the road to get here was very up and down, however the tiredness is dragging me down, Im sure a few good nights sleep will help.
We are going away this weekend, I just want to get away from having cancer for a weekend, before I know it I will be back having treatment and surrounded by people involved in the cancer community so this weekend is a chance to forget about it for a few days, hopefully it helps. Thanks all, Col'

Two Down, One To Go

Just spent Monday and Tuesday visiting specialists in Melbourne, cardiologist on Monday (for those who dont know, I have a heart condition that needs some attention from time to time). He is happy with me to let the heart condition go for now, at least until radio therapy is complete, it seems to be responding to changes in diet anyway.  Today was the plastic surgeon who did my operation recently, he is very happy with the way I am healing and I only need to see or contact him if a problem arises. Tomorrow I am off to see the oncologist, Selina and I have many questions that we want answers to, some we may not like but we think it is better to know what were up against.
Physically I feel pretty good except for feeling completely exhausted. For weeks now we havent slept very well and it is catching up with us. Mentally I dont know how I am supposed to feel, should I be elated that I have a chance of living to an old age or should I be angry that this has happened to me. I am struggling with this at the moment and the tiredness is compounding the problem I think.
Around the time of my diagnosis I came out of the doctors office and was sitting in my car alone wondering what to do when I saw a couple pushing a shopping trolley down the street with a little boy of about three in it, next to the boy was a carton of beer and both were sucking on a can, it was about one in the afternoon. I thought what chance does that kid have and why is this happening to me when those two will probably live to 75 plus. Life doesnt seem fair sometimes.
Like I said, physically Im o.k, mentally not so good, maybe oncologist will give me some answers that may help.

Escape From Room 31 At Epworth Hospital

Sugeon visited yesterday morning and surprised me by saying I could get remaining drain out and go home immediately. I just want to say thanks to all at Epworth at Box Hill, the staff were fantastic and the care was first class (and I should know as Ive spent some time in hospitals). Packed my gear up and we were back home by 2.00pm. Great to be home.
Odd feeling at the moment, I find it almost impossible to relax, its almost as if someone is watching me and like I am waiting for something to happen, not good. Will try and keep busy and keep my mind occupied through this anxiouse period.
Not much will happen for the next few weeks so I will probably wind this blog up after I see the specialists next week and find out recovery statistics and program for treatment. Going to relax at home for the next week or two then back to work before I start radio therapy around christmas time.
Thanks all,
Colin

Pathogy Report

Got some more good news.  Pathology results are back, not perfect, but pretty good.  Cancer isolated to one lymph node, the tumor had grown slightly out of the lymph node.  This means that I have to have radiation therapy in six weeks (once the wounds healed) to make sure no cells have been left behind.Dr Phil (the oncologist) is happy with this result apparently survival is better if you have less lymph nodes involved.Recovering well.  Got one drain removed yesterday waiting to see if the other one can come out today.  If I get it out I should be home tomorrow.  Might be able to go for a ride on the weekend, (got to get back to training and racing to try and stop them Warragul blokes from winning our club races, only joking WCC).

Peoples responses still never cease to amaze me, so many people who I have lost contact with have called or popped in just to let me know they are thinking of me and my family, its amazing and really reminds me I know some great people.

Me And My Bike(s)

A strange morning, nothing new to report but I find myself staring out the window with lots of thoughts running through my head about what makes us who we are (a bit deep for me, I know)? Think I might put some thoughts down and then move on.
I have always ridden bikes, when I was a kid me and all my mates had BMX's but out of all the kids I rode with, I was the only one who had to race, why? When my older brother started riding mountain bikes as a form of training for moto x, I started, as it looked like fun, guess what, I eneded up racing mountain bikes, why? The same with tri-athalons, a bit of running and swimming as a way to keep fit and then had to race. Eventually I settled on racing on the road and love it. Back in 2005 I got hit badly by a car and didnt ride for some years, but riding was always on my mind and I continued to buy magazines and keep up with results in Europe and Australia. When I turned forty I talked Selina into buying me a flat bar road bike, I said it would be great for riding on the bike paths with her and the kids or putting a bike seat on and taking Troy for a spin. It was not long after I turned forty that we returned to Latrobe Valley and I started work at Hazelwood. We were staying in Churchill so it seemed logical to just commute to work on a bike, well the commute home got longer and longer and before I knew it I was back racing. Selina has often asked why I cant just be happy with cycling for fitness and to be honest I dont know why. Im pretty sure most bike riders are similar, theres something about competeing that fullfills a desire within. I dont think it is about winning, It cant be because I havent won many races, its about competeing, driving a winning break, getting over a climb with the leaders or just finishing at the front of a race.
How does this relate to me and cancer, well the competitive side of me doesnt want to live with cancer, It wants to leave it behind me and beat it so that it never raises its ugly head again.
Thanks for reading.

Daytime TV is very bad

Nothing really to report, just trying to fill in some time. Waiting for surgeon to visit, he may have pathology reports. Selina has gone home for a couple of days as she has some work commitments, she has been amazing through this and I will never be able to repay her but I suppose thats why I married her. I am feeling good and can use my arm more than I thought I would be able to, I better not sound to well or work will be expecting me back soon, now that I know they are keeping up with my progress through this blog, hello all at IPRH and Fluor at Hazelwood and thanks for your support.
Looked up the cycling results for Stratford to Dargo race this morning, congratulations to all LCCC memebers who completed race, hopefully be able to have a crack at it next year.

Post Surgery

Op went really well and surgeon was happy, he said none of the other nodes appeared to have cancer but must wait for pathology to confirm. I myself feel good, very little pain at the moment. I now have a week or so to relax, watch tv and surf the net. I have internet through monitor at bed so will try and put something interesting down for people to read. A relaxing day snoozing, reading paper and magazines and chatting to visitors and staff. Thanks to all for calls,texts and visits.

An Unexpected Pick Me Up

Had a race tonight at Hazelwood pondage, thought I would ride A grade and try and hang on. Managed to ride really well and fall across the line first. Big thanks to Chris, a great bloke I have known for close to twenty years, we first met racing years ago and although our lives have taken different paths and we havent seen each other much over the years we find ourselves back were we first met doing the same thing, ironic.  Although it was only a small club race it did make me feel great, I seemed to float home and witnessed a great sunset as I was riding home, probably wouldnt have even noticed it if I didnt have cancer. I seem to notice and apreciate all the little things around me a lot more. In a happy place at the moment and ready for the surgery that will save my life. I will probably get Selina to update this blog while I am in hospital, shes more betterer with words than me anyway.
Called into work today to tidy up a few things. Everybody was positive and genuinely concerned and interested in my well being. A big thanks to all.

Here we go again

Surgery is looming on the horizon and the euphoria from last week has well and truely disappeared.  I watch Colin and see that he is becoming more tense and concerned.  He disappears for periods of time for contemplation and I find myself going off to find him.  It is hard to see your loved one looking so sad.

He is coming back to reality with a bump as the realisation that he still has metastatic melanoma (cancer) and a big battle ahead, commencing on Friday. 

Colin will be in hospital for about a week, I am sure he would appreciate friends visiting him to cheer him up and talk about everyday things.  I know he will be bored of my conversation and fussing by Saturday.  If you have time please pop by and see him. 

Colin will be in the Epworth Eastern, 1 Arnold St, Box Hill.

Cheers
Selina

Returning to reality

Went for a long ride with Traralgon bunch on Saturday morning. Good to be out and about with like minded people. Lunch with Mum, Dad and Russ then a mate and his family rang out of the blue and offered to come around and bring beer and pizza for dinner. Sat around talking and laughing, a good night.
Spent Sunday working around house, not sure how long I will need to recover from surgery so we are trying to get a few things done that we had planned.
That unbelievable hapiness we have been experiencing is starting to fade. I knew it couldn't last forever. I still have a disease that kills almost one in three people in my situation, not great, but got to stay positive. Got to think of all the good things I have going on in my life right now.

Still Smiling

Met with plastic surgeon who will perform my operation today. Booked in for Friday 5th November at Epworth Hospital in Box Hill. The meeting with him reassured me I am doing the right thing and he is the right person for the job. Should be in hospital for aproximately a week and a week or two to recover. Then, fingers crossed, cancer free, although i will need to be checked for the rest of my life.
Had lunch with missus and sis today, then a bit of shopping before doctors appointment. Great weather food and company.
The feeling of pure joy, elation, hapiness whatever this feeling is, has not faded. Ive never taken drugs but if there was one that gave this feeling we would all be addicts, cant stop smiling.
To all the friends who I have lost touch with but have made the effort to get in touch, thankyou. I will make an effort to keep in touch, your thoughts and well wishes are appreciated.

Time For Reflection

Today was a chance to recharge the batteries before we head back to see more doctors tommorrow. A great day to be alive, lots of hugs from family and friends, smiles all round, its almost as if we forgot I still have cancer. Went for a ride with a good mate of mine, Dave, even took the new bike on a training ride. Lunch with mum and dad, home to play with the kids and dog. Selina and I probably look like love sick teenagers to people who pass us in the street, we cant stop smiling. I feel like I have won tattslotto and the tour de france.
Although we got the best news possible from my oncologist yesterday I cant help feeling for the people who get confirmation of what I was expecting, my heart goes out to all of them.

You Bloody Rippa'

OPTION 3 FOR ME !!!!

Is this the best day of my life, if not it is very close. The cancer has not spread and I have a great chance of living. I still have cancer but i have a chance of growing old with Selina, of teaching Troy to ride a bike, of walking Lily down the aisle. WooooHooooo. Words cant describe how we feel, i have to say we because Selina has ridden the same roller coaster as me over the last few weeks. To go from thinking you probably have less than 12 months to live to a 70% chance of a CURE !!! is incredible. Thankyou to all who sent words of encouragement and positive thoughts. I still have a long way to go but I am on cloud nine.
Next step is a meeting with a surgeon on Friday and probably surgery next week, then depending on pathology reports, i may or may not need further treatment.
Went for a ride this morning, up Red Hill Rd (never again, well not on a 42, 21 anyway) the ride down from Mt Tassie was great, beautiful sunny day, fantastic views, flowing corners but i couldnt help but wonder how many more days I would have like this.

A Long Day

Today was supposed to be a quick trip to Epworth Hospital to have C.T scan and MRI, however Peter Mac rang at 3.00 pm yesterday to say they could fit me in for a PET scan at 8.30am this morning. A mad rush ensued to get the kids sorted and us to Melbourne last night. Stayed with Selinas sister and family. Nice to talk to people who are dealing with similar issues, thank you L & C. Tests completed and home at 8.30pm, back to oncologist for results at 5.00pm Wednesday. These results will tell me what my chances are, not expecting much sleep tonight.

A Great Weekend

Was going to ride to Warragul and have a race but pouring rain when I woke so decided to go to Melbourne with Selina. Took kids to aquarium and shopping while Selina went to a show with a friend. Had a great day, kids were great. They were just as happy in a $2.00 shop as they were in toyworld. They really dont deserve what they are going to have to go through. Have a slight nawing feeling in stomach that wont go away, hope its not beginning of the end. Raced at Casey fields on Sunday with SVCC, rode B grade, got away after 10 mins and spent the next 45 mins off the front with 1 other. Got caught with 2 laps to go but still ran second in sprint, cant believe someone can feel this strong and not alive in 6-9 months. Selina and kids met me at country show at Pakenham race course later and had a great day with kids. Love my family so much.

Just working out this blog thing, hope to get some photos up soon. Started this to keep people up to date with processes i am going through but find it therapeutic to put my thoughts down, hope people who read this dont mind me sharing my thoughts and how im feeling.

The Beginning 23/10/10

18 months ago I had a mole removed from my back, it happened to be Melanoma.  At the time I under went surgery and had clearance around the melanoma.  I was told I was all clear.  Great time to get on with life.

4 weeks ago I found a lump  under my arm about the size of half a ping pong ball, back to the doctors and off to the surgeons.  Three weeks and many tests later the diagnosis I'd been dredding the Melanoa had spread to my lymph system.  Ok that's pretty bad, but approximately 60% chance of survival, there's hope.

Booked for surgery to have the lymph nodes removed, however before I could get this done my wife managed to get me into one of the top Melanoma specialists.  Off to see him yesterday, well he was really honest with us.  It doesn't look good.  The original CT showed some small spots on my abdomen, the surgeon thought they were nothing, the oncologist thins they are further spread of the disease. 

What's this mean, well there's a few options:

1. It's spread to the abdomen, average life expectancy 6-9 months
2. It's spread to the abdomen and I get accepted onto a research trial and get 2-3 years
3. It hasn't spread to the abdomen and I have surgery to remove the lymph nodes and have 60-70% chance
4. There is only one spot on the abdomen and I have two lots of surgery one to remove the lesion on the abdomen and one to remove the lymph nodes with hopefully good survival.

We are all hoping for option 3.  So it's off for another round of tests over the next week to see which option I face.