The End.......But Not For Me

Had my last treatment on Wednesday, everyone was congratulating me, asking if I was happy to be done and saying I should be celebrating......but, I was not feeling great and definately didnt feel like celebrating, apart from being very tired I also cant forget that many people dont live very long from my position. I am happy to be finished the treatment but dont want to get ahead of myself. Maybe in Five years time I will feel like celebrating.
I was going to try and write something inspiring for my last blog but there are plenty of real heroes out there who just by doing what they do inspire.
So there it is, not the end of this ride, I still have many hurdles to get over but I am one of the lucky ones. I have an appointment with my oncologist next week where I am assuming more tests will be ordered and regular check-ups for life, but it feels like the immediate danger has passed and I am well on the way to a full recovery.
I cant go without saying thank you to everyone who helped in any way, texts, e-mails, phone calls and visits were much appreciated. Special thanks go to family, old friends who I hadnt seen for years who got in touch or visited and the guys I ride with who organised a special gift which lifted my spirits when I needed it.
To all who want to keep in touch, call or text me on 0431536357 or e-mail at colinandselina@hotmail.com
I will check back for comments over the next few days as well.

Thanks all, words are not enough to express my gratitude and thanks
Colin

Goodbye And Good Ridance To 2010,

What a year, it really has been pretty shitty for me and my family. Although there were some good times and fun memories 2010 will always be remembered as the year I got cancer. Although in reality it probably has been in my body for quite a few years. Me having cancer has not been the only horrible thing that has happened to me and my family this year and I really am glad to see the end of 2010. What will 2011 bring? Hopefully some stability and happiness, not too much to ask for I think. All I really want is to be happy and healthy.
Two more treatments to go and then the end of this ride....... I hope. The radiotherapy is causing my skin in the area they are treating to turn quite pink, sort of like a bad case of sunburn, ironic really when you think sunburn is probably how I got this in the first place, there is very little pain associated with it but the tiredness is very bad. Most days I feel very normal in the mornings but by about 11 I start to go downhill quickly and need to have a sleep (not a good look falling asleep at my desk at work). I have taken a few days off work when needed and have been taking things easy on weekends. The doctors say the tiredness can last for up to a month after the treatment finishes. I have managed to ride my bike 3-4 times a week throughout the treatment and hopefully by the end of January I can start getting back to a level of fitness that will let me be part of a race rather than just hanging on.
Had a quiet new years with just a few friends and brother over for a barbie, didnt feel up to much really but managed to stay awake till midnight, had a few laughs, talked shit and watched the kids fall asleep one bye one. Hope everyone has a great 2011, thanks    Col'

Merry Christmas To All

Have had a great christmas with mine and Selina's family and then had Troy's birthday today. Kids are great. About six weeks ago when we thought that this could be my last christmas we vowed to make this christmas extra special, since then things have got better but every christmas will be special from now on I hope. I had a friend I havent spoke to for some time call me tonight just to wish me a happy christmas and new year, he didnt know about the cancer and when I told him he was speechless and had no idea what to say. I have no problem talking about my situation to anyone but I never really think about how it must seem to someone hearing about me for the first time. I hope no one is avoiding me for fear of not knowing what to say. a simple g'day, how you goin' is all it takes to start a conversation. I hope everyone had a great christmas and new year, all the best,    Col'

One Week On

Another week has passed since I last wrote, cant believe it goes so quick. Very tired at present, manage to ride a bit during the week but need the weekends to catch up. Also needed to take some time off work this week. Had a couple of work do's to attend which was good, once again people are fantastic and very caring and concerned about my well being. Mental health is very much up and down, can be chatting laughing with people one minute and down and withdrawn the next. Dealing with cancer has been physically easy for me, however the mental side of it is a struggle. Hopefully time will help. Kids are forcing me to try and keep upbeat, they are so looking forward to christmas and I dont want them to see me down so try and keep positive around them. Thanks all, Col'

Sunday Night Ramblings

I have got through the first week of treatment ok, took Friday off work partly due to tiredness and partly not feeling right mentally. Have had to have a few day time sleeps over the weekend, feeling very old. Did manage to see a concert in Melbourne Saturday night, strange night really, have liked this band since I was a teenager so they have become a sort of sound track of our life for me and Selina. I sat there on Saturday night looking out at the crowd of about 60,000 people and couldnt help but think that according to statistics, 40,000 people in this crowd have been affected by cancer in some way, either directly or by friend or family member diagnosed with the disease. Quite a staggering amount if you ask me, it seems as if cancer is the modern day plague. The band we saw just released a new song, which I first heard when I was in hospital, it seemed to fit perfectly with what I was going through and has become a bit of an anthem for me and I frequently listen to it when Im feeling down, a couple of lines from the chorus go like this,

                                       When Life Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow,
                                     You Gotta Hold On To What You believe,
                                    Believe That The Sun Will Shine Tommorrow,

Life has certainly thrown me a bitter pill, but I do believe that tommorrow and the following days will be better and I am lucky to have the people around me that I have.
Radio therapy continues next week and has become a regular part of my trip to work, just like buying the paper really. Because I go so early I am in and out quickly, I also avoid seeing the really old and frail patients and the chemo patients, nothing screams cancer more than seeing a young person with no hair or having their head wrapped in a bandanna. I know I'm a cancer patiant but I dont need to be reminded about it. Enough wranting for today, thanks all, Col'



One Down, 19 To Go

First treatment of radio therapy today, no big deal really, cancer centre is still a confronting place, lots of elderly people and people with bandannas on their heads. Feeling o.k at the moment, actually dont know how I feel, mood changes regularly, sometimes I actually feel normal and almost forget I have cancer than something happens and I am reminded many people dont recover from my situation and I fall into a depressed state. Had lots of  calls wishing me all the best for today, you people probably dont realise how it feels to have people thinking of you, it makes such a difference, thanks to all of you who have called, text, e-mailed since I was diagnosed. Thanks for reading,  Colin

First Week Back At Work

Returned to work this week, was good to be back but very hard to think about work and normal things. Mind is at times totally consumed thinking about treatment and the future. People at work have been great, very supportive and genuinely concerned and interested in my well being. First radiation treatment is Tuesday 7th, just want to get it all over with and forget about having cancer, although with appointments with an oncolgist at least twice a year for the rest of my life I dont think that will be possible. Tiredness is still a problem, wanted to be feeling great befor treatment started but has not happened. Riding my bike at least every second day, which is so good for me mentally, hope I can continue riding through treatment. I will keep the blog going through to new year and if treatment is going well I will wind it up. Family and friends keep commenting they are keeping up with my progress through it so will continue for a while longer. Cheers all, Colin